Some mornings are harder than others, we all know this. It’s tuesday, early morning yoga class for me. Everything about this morning was tough, getting out of bed after a restless nights sleep. My husband, is working long hours now so he’s getting up before me and coming home at 9pm every night so he’s tired (and a little cranky, but who can blame him?). Even the cats didn’t get up to say good morning to me, of course, they were front and centre when I got home, trying to tell me that my husband hadn’t feed them before he left, such lies!
It was also one of those mornings on my mat, where it felt like I was trying to shove a steel beam around. There was no semblance of grace or flow as we worked our way through postures that would lead us to back bends. It felt like this was my 1st time at yoga and that I had NO idea what language Pat was speaking. Some days are completely effortless, the flow is there the poses come naturally and easy with a steady pace, today, not so much. I persevered and made it to savasana, since we had used extra props in our exploration to back bends, we had a bolster and eye pillow to deepen the relaxing pose.
I guess this is the same with everyday living, there are days when nothing seems to go the way you need or want it to and then there are days when it seems like you could turn water into wine, (which is handy for that 1st type of day). I find that the days that I feel less than stellar on my mat are the days that my teacher makes some comment to me about one of my poses or just says something really inspirational during the meditation and turns the whole experience around.
Todays inspirational comments were about forgiveness and who you’d like to forgive and dedicating the spirit of our practice to that person. If you know me, you know I have quite a number of mother issues, and even though my mother has been dead for 3 years I find myself still quite angry with her. Yesterday, was the 3 year anniversary of her death, so upon reflection I guess it’s not to weird that the “energy” practice of yoga would be compromised this morning. Although the timing of the forgiveness quotes in our meditation that Pat used were unnerving. She’s never used that line of exploration with us, in the whole 6 months of me going to these classes it is the 1st time.
On occasion, you are forced to realize that there is something to the belief, that the universe gives you what you need when you need it. I guess today, I was in the right place at the right time, in the right frame of mind to hear this. During meditation, I chose to dedicate my forgiveness to my mother and myself. Forgiveness to her for making me so angry when she was probably trying to do her best and simply lost sight of what that was. Forgiveness to me, because it’s ok to be angry about this but I have to let it go (something I’m not good with) and stop living my life with all that anger inside, it’s hurting me.
It’s all a learning experience and some mornings, more than others, I just learn a little more than I thought I would.