Well, here we are again, the start of a brand spanking new year…I hope you had a wonderful New Years Eve. I spent it quietly with a good friend watching fireworks over the bay in this crazy warm weather and drinking champagne….it was absolutely perfect.
In a few weeks I move to Halifax and my posts will become about my life there and the adventures that will happen. However, this would be a good time to reflect on the past year, 2010.
This year was a huge year of upheaval for me – shouldn’t that have been written down somewhere as a warning? It would have been nice to have a “heads-up”, you know something like “Hey Sam, it’s gonna be a REALLY tough year, there’s gonna be some really crappy things but some really amazing things as well, “buckle up” it’s gonna be a bumpy one!” or something to that effect?
It began amazingly well with twice a week, crack before dawn yoga, which helped fight off some of the blues I’d picked up over the years, especially last december. Then one thing after another began to show through the cracks of my well constructed walls. My friend’s father, a good friend of ours, died suddenly. Two months later my Uncle died, right on the heals of my Aunt, both of them gone within 7 months of each other. The next 2 months were busy with my Cousins and I dealing with the clean up of their lives.
Off to the cottage, for 2 months where I didn’t sleep for more than 2-3 hours a night, and another dear friend passing. I had a great deal of time to think, the conclusions I came to caused a huge amount of anxiety. I found myself walking the beach at 3am and spending a whole lot of time with the neighbours. I’ve lost a ton of weight and made some major life decisions, the result of which is that I’m now single and moving to city where I really don’t know a ton of people.
This could be the craziest thing I’ve ever done, leaving the safety net that I’ve had for 19 years. Leaving a man who loved me and who tried to give me things that made me happy, and going out on my own. I’m going to be responsible for all the things I haven’t been in years….paying bills I haven’t had to worry about in ages, some never. I still have the cottage, that I’m going to have to figure out the up keep on (if anyone is interested in renting please contact me for more info, I’ll be on a website soon and I’ll post a link here as well). However, I’m also going to be responsible for other things if I’m lonely now I only have myself to blame and if my place is a mess….there’s only me (and the girls) to blame.
I have no idea how this will work out, but to quote a cliché “there are no guarantees in life” and my goal right now is to be happy. The closer I get to the actual move the more I’m beginning to look forward to it. There are going to be some really bad days I suspect, where I’m lying on the floor of my living room wondering what the hell I’ve done….but I’ll give my self some poor me time then pick myself up….go to a yoga class, call up one of the few friends I DO have there and go for a drink and get over it!
So, instead of making a new years resolution, which never pan out for me, I’ve decided to make my 2011 goal to be happy, that way everything I’ve gone through in the past year will not be in vain.
I’m looking towards 2011 as the year I figure out what I want to be when I grow up and figuring out the next adventure in my life. I’m going to face it with my head up, a huge stack of kleenex behind me and a Vonage phone line so I can call long distance for free!
I hope your 2010 wasn’t as tumultuous as mine and I hope you have a WONDERFUL 2011.
Dreaming big from TO,