With grace….

The days are getting longer and my time here in Toronto is getting shorter. This weekend I fly down to Halifax to meet my truck and begin to set up my apartment.  Then I fly back next weekend clean up here at the house then grab the girls, and my friend Mary Anne who’s my co driver for the trip and head out to become an east coast girl.

I’m freaking out about the move.  Leaving friends and family behind here and going out on my own for the 1st time ever is incredibly scary and doing that in a different City and Province, terrifying.  Leaving my husband behind here in TO I’m full of sadness and sorrow.  I love him and our life together and I am very sorry to leave my best friend.

I’m nervous about getting a job when I’m there, I’m nervous about meeting friends, although all my friends here seem to think I won’t have a problem with that.  I’ve already found a yoga studio to go to, 1/2 a block from my apartment, I’m going to look into joining  a choir if this damn bronchitis ever gets better but a job will get me money and friends or at least a social life. I am especially nervous about being on my own for the 1st time in 43 years.  What if I’m not good at it? Can you fail at being alone? and even worse What if I don’t like Halifax?

I guess every adventure has it’s scary moments.  I think back on the things I’ve done over the years and I realize they’ve been the precursor to this big step.  I’ve been in foreign countries where I’ve had to figure things out for myself that are completely different to what I’m used to.  At least here, I’m still in Canada and I’m used to the stores, the food, the government and language.  Still, it’s absolutely terrifying to realize that this time next week I’ll be sitting in my new apartment in Halifax not in my living room here in Toronto, not even the cats will be there at that time, so I’ll be all alone…that I think it what scares me the most.

I’m sure this will all be a wonderful experience in the long run but the first few days / weeks and months are going to be a challenge.  I hope I can take them in stride and with grace……and that I don’t spend to many nights crying on the floor in my living room. 

One of the hardest parts has been saying good-bye to all my wonderful friends.  Dinners and lunches to catch up and then say good-bye at.  Promises of visits to the east coast, I hope some of them actually come out to see me. 

I have no idea if  I’ll stay on the east coast, who knows maybe something will bring me back to Toronto, never say never but for the next year, I’m going to embrace the beauty of being by the ocean and the friendliness of the people and see if I can find the missing part….

Dreaming Big from TO,

Samantha

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