I’m not sure if it’s my new surroundings or just that I have quite a bit of time to think but I’ve been learning a lot about myself over the past 8 months. I’m stronger than I think. It doesn’t matter if I’m in TO or here in Halifax, if I’m lonely in one place chances are I’ll be lonely in another. Happiness has to come from within, everything happens for a reason and patience is something I have very little of (I knew that one already).
I’ve become a firm believer in asking the “universe” (use whatever term you are comfortable with here, this is mine) to help me and if you know what to ask for you seem to get it. Not sure if that’s just knowing what you want so you work towards it or if there really is some “source” there helping you along. Maybe it’s a combination of both, I really don’t care since it seems to be working whichever one it is.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I do need to stop pushing somethings and just trust that they will work out the way they’re supposed to. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to sit on my butt and do nothing but that if I work towards the goal that it will happen. Sometimes you just have to feel the resistance and pull back a bit and see what comes, waiting for something to change. Like in yoga, when you move into a posture you breath into it and wait for your body let you further into the pose.
Patience…my new mantra….I hate it!
It was what I learned in meditation on friday this week. Everyone is always trying to teach you how to do meditation and it sounds so weird when they say just “return to your breath, don’t let your thoughts disturb your mind”. Have you ever tried to meditate? All you can do when you 1st start is listen to how busy your mind is, racing from thought to thought…..how many times do you want to jump up and write it all down? What I learned on friday was really interesting.
The class I take friday mornings is Tibetan mediation – you don’t meditate with your eyes closed because you sink to far into yourself , and every 10 minutes we change from sitting meditation to walking meditation. It was here that I discovered the trick. I was walking, you have to do it very slowly, with your hands in a fist together just above your navel, feeling your feet hitting the floor and sinking into the feeling of the movement. At one point I found myself stumbling and almost falling over when I was thinking about something and got distracted. It was at this moment I realized that my only goal for the next 10 minutes was to put one foot in front of the other, feeling the floor under my feet, feeling my weight shifting from one sole to the next, the thoughts could come and go as they pleased but the focus was on the placement of my feet.
Patience…I couldn’t do anything about the thoughts that were in my head, they would still be there when I stopped walking but the goal for now was the movement. When I told my teacher that I had discovered this, her face lit up, “yes!”. This is what it’s all about, we can’t stop those thoughts from occurring but the point is to limit them from dragging you from place to place, and to focus.
This is why I have to stop pushing things, they will come with patience and they will work out the way they are supposed to. As long as I work towards my goals I will get there eventually. I’m sure I’ll slip up on these ideas but if I just concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other eventually, I’ll get there.
Dreaming Big from the East Coast,