It amazes me when I wake up at 3am and look out my window that there are NO lights on in my building, or in the other ones around me. Am I the ONLY person with insomnia in this part of town?
I was really hoping that I would be able to sleep through the night now that I’ve settled into my new place. I think, since I moved here a month or so ago, I’ve had 2 nights where I have managed to sleep well. I’ve resigned myself to waking up at all hours and then not being able to get back to sleep. I’m even beginning to function on this way. I have a friend who is constantly hassling me about the fact that I seem to function on 3-4 hours sleep and how unfair it is. I of course, deny it, just think of how much more I could get done if I was actually getting a full 8 hours.
The other night it was almost a relief, when I had a nightmare about lightning striking a tree and a fire breaking out and burning everything in it’s way…that I bolted awake, only to have my phone ring 5 minutes later. It was good to have someone to talk to after the nightmare but it didn’t help me to get back to sleep.
I’m not sure if it’s my new place or if it’s just my body being so used to the panic and adrenaline that was going through it for so long, but when I surface from whatever dream I’m having it’s almost like my brain is there waiting….”oh good you’re awake!!” like a little kid. It then starts telling me all the things that I really don’t want to think about at 230 in the morning.
I’ve taken over the counter sleeping pills, prescription ones, not drinking caffeine after 5pm, drinking wine, not drinking wine, walking, yoga before bed…sometimes the purring cat can help to get me back to sleep but nothing helps the waking up part. I think I have a new-found respect for insomniacs, how are they not crazy?
I keep hoping that this is just a temporary thing and that eventually my sleep patterns will return to normal. I am a little terrified that this IS normal for me now. I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to sleep through the night without waking up a few times but I would really love to be able to roll over and just go right back. After a few hours, I usually do fall under, sometimes for an hour sometimes for 30 or 40 minutes, which can make me feel so groggy when I surface the next time.
Any suggestions would be welcome at this point. As I’m typing this draft of my blog it’s quarter to 5 in the morning (Atlantic time for you folks elsewhere) it’s cold outside, -15 according to the weather app on my itouch, and clear. I can hear the occasional truck making its way to the train yard, other than that it’s incredibly quiet outside. Every once and awhile I can hear water rushing through the pipes in the building as someone flushes their toilet.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m in one of those horror movies, where everyone is dead and the few people who are alive have no idea what’s going on and the zombies are knocking on the door…..humm maybe that’s my sleeping problem, zombies!
Trying to Dream Big from the East Coast,