The definition of insanity…..

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results   Albert Einstein

At what point is enough, enough?  At what point do you give up on a dream?  I know some who would say you NEVER give up on a dream, how will you make it come true if you give up? You need to keep working on it to make it happen.  But don’t you have to give into the fact, that if you don’t change your approach, Einstein will be right?

There are certain things in my life that are working out amazingly well and some that could use a little help.  I have only been here in my new city for about 2 months, it’s not really enough time to give anything a chance.  Friends are slowly coming into my life, work opportunities are slowly coming around, but really, I just want it to be all done.

I’m through with the flux of the life I’m currently living.  Change can be exhilarating and can be just what you need, but can also be exhausting.  Being positive all the time about what needs to be done is tough.  Keeping up the happy face to new friends here and trying to be up when I speak to friends back in TO can be really hard.  Like anything, it’s a challenge for others to understand if they’ve not experienced what you are going through.  

The really weird thing is that I’m in-between right now, I don’t quite belong here in Halifax but I no longer belong in Toronto either.  I’ve never really had that feeling before, this strange not belonging anywhere feeling.  Things that were so easy in TO are now such a slog to get done, just because I’m still learning how to do it here – even buying cat food for the girls has become a whole new adventure.

Friends back in TO keep asking me what I’m doing with my time.  My friends here all work full-time so there’s no one to play with during the day and lets face it there is only so much exploring a girl can do by herself.  I can’t run my life the same way I did when I was in TO so I’m trying to find a rhythm to squeeze my life into.  In this respect it’s the same as the insanity definition I’m doing the same things over and over and expecting the results to be different. 

I find that I’m walking a lot.  I try to do at least 1 thing a day towards my career.  I try to walk around the city and orientate myself.  I joined the library (I now have library cards in 3 provinces!).  I should be getting the tax stuff together so maybe I’ll start that soon, and my desk is still an unorganized mess so that will have to be dealt with.  Athough, I suspect a match would be the best way to deal with that problem.

What I do the most is think.  A very dangerous thing to do, you end up with scenarios in your brain that can drive you crazy.  You second guess everything you’ve done or said and there’s lots of time to invent reasons why you’re not making friends or why you don’t have a job or why that guy is giving you funny looks across the coffee shop.  Walking, lots and lots of walking helps!

I would really like to change my definition, there is comfort in repetition but that’s not what I need right now.  I need to do something and see instant and different results.  I’d like to stop banging my head on the wall and walk through the door and see clearly. 

Maybe, the dream will be there, waiting for me to realize, that all I need to do is to change the way I approach it.  I hope so, because ‘enough’ can be a point to stop at but I’m one of those people who feel that you should never give up on a dream.

Dreaming big from the East Coast,

Samantha

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3 Responses to The definition of insanity…..

  1. Sheila says:

    You cannot go back, you can only go forward….
    The path is crooked to the destination and a GPS won’t help….but remember it’s a journey and you have to just keep walking to get there!

  2. Sheila says:

    BTW….take pride in the courage you have shown to “breakfree”, all the little daily efforts to achieve your goals and all the walking you have already done!!!

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