I spent friday night and most of Saturday in Truro with my friends. Not exactly the most exciting place in NS but since they’re there it is always a wonderful visit. I get big hugs when I walk in and their dog Miss Scout (as I call her) always gives me the BIGGEST welcome. It’s always so nice to be greeted like you are the best long lost friend ever!
I get treated like I’m coming home. I know where my room is, I know where the tea is, I am spoiled. Dinner was waiting for me when I arrived and this morning we had Belgian waffles with bacon and fruit, then a long (windy, 45 minute) walk with Scout and a call to be picked up at the end of the path for a warm drive back to the house, and a hot toddy. The perfect weekend, and it’s not over yet. Maybe cinnamon buns at the market tomorrow AM…..I’ll do a post on that one soon!!
I still have those moments of my life being so surreal. I suppose it really doesn’t help that my Ex (of almost 20 years) and who I’ve only been apart from for a year and 1/2, got married last sunday. I knew it was coming and I am truly glad that he has found someone to be happy with, but wow, it’s a weird thing when that happens.
The fact that 2 years ago I knew exactly where my life was going and with who it was going with, then all of sudden I’m driving down a street in Truro, to spend time with friends who have become as close as family that we actually refer to each other as “sorta family”, becomes a very strange surreal moment.
I still have this when I realize that Toronto isn’t my home any more. Which is why I haven’t been back since I left. I think my friends and family back in Ontario are confused by this fact. I’m having a hard time going back to a place that was mine for so long. That I lived an ENTIRE life in, growing up, sharing most of my adult life with someone. That everywhere I go there is a memory, good or bad to be dealt with. I’m not sure how to handle it. I’m sure the 1st time back will be the hardest and I’m sure that will be surreal as well.
There is no family “home” to go to anymore. All my amazing friends and family have made it very clear I have places to stay when I come back (which I really appreciate and will be taking them up on). I think I need to be more grounded here in NS before I return. Maybe that’s the wrong thing to do, maybe I should just get it over with and head back and then other trips will be easier, maybe by avoiding it, just becomes the elephant in the room.
I’ve been asked by friends why I’m staying here when I’m finding that it’s tough to find an new network of friends (which is getting better) and hard to get another job (teaching is fine but I do need to make more money to keep the girls and I in kibble and litter). I’m not sure it would be easier to get a job back home, it’s not like anyone pipped up and offered me anything when they found out what was going on. At least here I’m only 4 1/2 hours away from my lovely cottage, real estate is more affordable which means I’ll be able to have my 10 year plan in full swing very soon. Best of all, I’m by the Ocean!
The surreal times are actually happy moments, like I’m on an adventure. I get that butterfly feeling in the pit of my stomach when I realize that it’s one of “those” instances. Sometimes, they are “OMG what have I done?!?” moments but then are quickly replaced by the “Nope, still made the right decision and just pull up your big girl panties and get on with it” mantra.
Then there are the quiet contemplative times, when I realize that my life has changed irrevocably, that there is no going back, and a moment of sadness for the woman I was overwhelms me. Then I realize, that the new woman, is actually smiling. She realizes that the woman she’s becoming, that I’m becoming, is stronger, smarter and fearless and no matter what, can handle anything that comes my way.
That’s when it gets really surreal.
Dreaming Big from the East Coast,