I should have stayed in bed yesterday morning but no I just had to be an overachiever! Well, I really didn’t choose to get up. Tabitha has decided that she should be fed at 6am now and has started this yowling thing, which I ignored since it was sunday morning and I wanted to sleep. Apparently, this was a bad choice on my part. She came back in and decided to barf on my bed to get me up….it worked. The laundry room on my floor, surprisingly busy for 830 on a sunday morning.
There’s a lot of emotions being flung around my apartment right now and the girls, the little emotional sponges that they are, pick up on all of it. Since I’m the source I decided yesterday to go walk it off. Best decision of my day (the only one it would seem).
I hit one of my “usual’s” and had a wonderful time, I clambered around on rocks, waved back to the lobster guys out collecting their traps and generally had a great time. It was a beautiful day yesterday, it’s getting warmer the sun was shining, I felt happy. I came back in a great mood, until I walked into the overwhelming mess that is my apartment.
Called a friend, had a meltdown about the move and a few other things, she was great and even gave me a way to combat the “overwhelmingness” of the chore. Pomodoro’s, where you set a time to accomplish a task, then break it down into 1/2 hours (or hours) and then take a 5 minute (or 10 min) break for every 25 minutes, that’s 1 pomadaro. After you’ve done about 4 of them you take a long rewarding break. My only problem with this was that I was anxious about when the timer was going to sound off. It actually made me a little panicky. However, I did manage to get the bedroom stuff packed – not my clothes but the “stuff” in the bedroom and the bathroom stuff as well, using this technique, I’ll give it another shot today. I think as long as I keep plugging along I’ll be ready for the 26th, which is pick up day.
Of course, I woke up this morning from a very weird dream (must have been that shot of tequila I had last night, you have ONE drink and dream world goes sideways on you) with a list of what I need to accomplish today and tomorrow and thoughts of other problems going through my brain. Exactly how am I going to get the wi-fi at the cottage hooked up? When am I going to have time to do my taxes? And of course, lots of other standards that are my go-to panic enablers. Breathing will help (previous post), there’s no more Tequila (it was one of those sample bottles), but there is lots of bubble wrap and boxes to put stuff in so maybe I’ll just work on that today, oh and call the power company, and the internet company and buy some vacuum bags for my clothes and linens…..ok, I’ll stop now.
The weird thing about all of this is that it almost feels like deja-vu, like when I left TO, the panic, the overwhelming feelings. I was telling a friend the other day that some of it I think stems from fear of starting over. If I move to the cottage for this 2 months that part of me feels that I’ll have to start from scratch when I get back in July. But realistically I know that I’m only going to be out of the City for 4 nights a week, I won’t be by myself when I get back, I have friends here and a job so it won’t be starting over from scratch.
It really is strange what your brain and body remember, and the fear and loneliness I felt over a year ago when I first moved here. A few of my friends keep reminding me that I have the freedom to do what ever I want when ever I want, which does sound lovely, I just have to learn to embrace it.
Ok, I think it’s going to take me 2 hours to get through the rest of the kitchen, I’m going to break it down into 40 minutes with a 5 minute break then at the end I’m going to go for a walk on the board walk and get myself a hot chocolate. See, just breathe.
Dreaming Big from the East Coast,