Completely off the packing topic, I don’t know about you but it’s beginning to depress me. It’s getting to the point where friends, who don’t know me well, are asking me “how I’m doing?” with that concerned tone of voice. You know the one you reserve for someone who’s about to fall apart in front of you? In their defense, I have been doing a lot of that lately. So maybe it’s justified.
Yesterday was a grey, foggy, clammy day, and I didn’t get out at all. I did manage to get some packing done, did a lot of shredding, I am NOT storing that paper I’ve been carrying around with me for the past year, it’s bad enough I paid 42 cents a pound to have it shipped out here, and it’s been living with me for the past 15 months, I am not going to store it for 2 months! Out with the old and in with the new, I say.
I spent some of my time dealing with school stuff, lesson planning and making sure that some of my students who are in one class get transferred to the other. The little things. Caught up with a friend and found out about her daughters search for a prom dress – that seems to be going around these days. Wow! If I don’t talk about packing I really don’t have that much to say huh?
Actually, there is a point to my post today, despite the meltdowns I’m having right now re: the move and the “other” crap, I am happy. Do you know how I know this? Because inside right now, it’s not exactly party town, but I know I’m getting happy because of the pictures.
I’ve never liked pictures of myself, thinking I’m to fat in them (still am) but never posting them on my f/b page because I thought I didn’t look good but lately I’m happy to have them be a part of my life. I look at myself in the mirror and realize that I look pretty good for a chick my age and most people don’t even know what that is, I’m not bad looking, and I have a decent sense of humor (when I’m not melting down).
In the past few months I’ve had 2 pictures of myself up on my f/b page. I still have my sunrise shot of the cottage beach. Currently a photo that a friends daughter took of me at the women’s brunch I attended a few weeks ago is up. Before that a picture another friend took of me at the cottage (the one on the left).
I’ve been packing old albums and have been surprised that I’m not cringing when I leaf through them, before I would just be so devastated about how fat I looked. I’m not a perfect size 2 or anywhere close to that but my body image is getting much better, I haven’t felt this good about who I am in years.
I’m sure some of this has to do with being on my own. A lot of it has to do with all the hiking I’ve been doing, and loving, this morning I bought 2 Groupon type things for more kayaking trips. I’m still not doing enough yoga, that will have to start up again at the cottage since I won’t have the hiking available that I do here. I’m hoping when I come back into town some of the days I can do a quick hike either in Point Pleasant Park or out on my Dingle/Frog pond walk. That will make me feel less lazy.
I’ve been looking for the gauge that I did the right thing. I know that changing my life had to happen and I know in my heart that I did do the right thing and it’s really good to have that realization. The fact that I like my pictures is a sign for myself, I’m gaining self respect and confidence, for me. You might have another sign that tells you that you’ve started to become happy, this is the biggest one for me.
When I look in the mirror who I see looking back, I like now, it’s been a long time since I’ve LIKED that woman. It’s been a very long time since I thought she was pretty and capable and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound…..well, I might not be there yet but you get the drift. I even sing more now and I’m not nervous about doing it anymore, considering I’m a trained singer…trust me when I say, that’s HUGE!!
Now, that capable woman and I have to get our butts in gear and finish all the packing!
Dreaming Big from the East Coast,