I am a true romantic, I believe in the “soul mate” “true love” and the “one” concepts, always have. I believe you can’t help whom you fall in love with and that there is someone for everyone out there. Some would say that’s from being brainwashed as a little girl being read all those fairy tales, they could be right, but it doesn’t change my beliefs. The past few Valentines days have been a complete bust for me, I won’t go into to details but lets just say last year in particular was horrible (2012 strikes again!), so I really didn’t have high hopes for this year.
The whole world for the past few weeks has been covered in red, pink and white hearts declaring that today is the day you tell your true love how you feel about them. When I was married we didn’t do a lot for this day, sometimes a card, a small gift…occasionally my Ex would bring me flowers or chocolate. For years when we went out for dinner we were always disappointed. Every where we went was to crowed and because they were trying to accommodate as many people as possible, the quality of the food seemed to go down. We started to eat at home and I started the tradition of making a heart shaped cake (Prairie would always help by keeping me company while I baked) these traditions have now been trashed.
I thought yesterday would really bother me, because there was no one in my life to spend this pink and red day with, actually I had a nice day, not a romantic one but a nice one. I taught a class, had a guest speaker, went for a lovely walk since it was so warm out, had a few wonderful emails and texts from friends wishing me a happy day, had a long chat with a good friend and went to bed early with an anticipated book. I’m not sure if it was just the excess energy in the air, but yesterday felt “good” with only a few twinges of sadness (which I have to admit were bad but I get those everyday so not unusual).
It did feel a little strange though. During my phone call with my friend, we talked about how it was weird not be part of a couple anymore (we were both married for 20+ years) and to not do the “traditional” things we used to do. As she said, she’s happy for the people who get to celebrate but sad that yet another thing she did with her Ex has come to an end. A great many people hate this “holiday” saying how commercial it is and that they don’t see why you should only tell someone 1 day a year that you love them, and they would be right. You should tell the people you love how you feel EVERYDAY. When you’re part of a couple this “hating the commercialism of the day” is an easy concept to subscribe to but when you are single it feels like the whole world is conspiring against you.
I miss baking my cake. I was going to do one for myself thinking that it would be great to “take back” that tradition for me ….then I realized, I’d have an entire heart shaped cake that would need to be eaten and some traditions need to not be so fattening, so no cake. I settled for a sherry instead. I might pop down to the local cupcake store today and get myself a treat for later.
I hope that one day soon, I can be bitching about how horrible Valentines day is and how I don’t “subscribe” to the commercialism of the day. Until then, I hope that everyone did have a lovely romantic day. Please remember that if you have been lucky enough to find your “one” to tell them how you feel on more than just Valentines day, and if you don’t have someone…the chocolates are on sale today!
Dreaming Big from the East Coast,