I changed my wallpaper on my computer this weekend to a different picture of the bay at my cottage. For ages it’s been the same picture as the one that graces the top of my blog, the beautiful sunrise. The new one I chose is a shot that looks calm and beautiful all in shades of grey with the sun trying to shine through the clouds, and is not at all what it seems.
The rolling waves look very smooth, soft and quiet, you can almost imagine that they would calmly roll onto the beach and roll off with just a whisper on the sand. In reality this type of wave is one of the loudest you can get here. The bay is quiet with very little wind, the waves look small, but when they hit the shore they land with a surprisingly loud boom.
Once again it’s 3am and I’m wide awake, sitting in my living room listening to soft music, with purring cats around me, candles lit to give a little light, the smell of spaghetti sauce that I made earlier today still permeating the air. Not bad for the middle of the night, however I’d rather be sleeping, instead of worrying about how I’m going to get everything I need accomplished and paid for. The picture I chose seems to reflect how I feel at the moment, everything is grey and calm looking on the outside and keeps landing with a loud crash.
I moved here to this city after my relationship ended because I needed a new beginning and wanted to be happy, you’ve heard me say this before. I’ve realized that this is actually a great place for me to live. The city is not to big, although I do love big cities, the property prices out here allows for me to at least entertain the idea that I’ll be able to afford to buy a home at some point. Lets face it, it’s on the ocean how can that be bad, near beautiful hiking trails. Close to my cottage so I can spend weekends there. Wonderful friendships are beginning to develop, some picking up from years ago and some new. But it feels like I’m waiting for something, I’m not sure what.
Saturday was the annual Women Making Waves conference that the local chapter of WIFT-AT has hosted for the past 3 years. I love to volunteer at this event, I get so much out of being around so many wonderful women in my industry. Catching up with friends, listening to the panels, going to some of the workshops and helping out with whatever the organizers need me to do, which between you and me, it seems that I get the far better deal out of this arrangement.
Then I get home and realize that I have all this marking to do, I have another teachers to do as well, another project starting this week, an on going current project and a potential root canal that I have to find the time and money. The things I’ve been avoiding are starting to become unavoidable and need to be dealt with and just like those silent rolling waves everything crashes to the shore and I’m overwhelmed. Hence my 3am wake up call.
We all have stress in our lives, wouldn’t it be nice to live without it? Someday I hope to be like those waves and just roll on to the beach and then roll out without a care. Until then I guess I’m going to have to pull up my big girl panties and get on with it, sigh, maybe I can get some sleep then.
Attempting to Dream Big from the East Coast,